‘Nice Guys,’ Failure, Self-Pity and Cruelty
Until yesterday, I had never heard of Bailey Poland, but I included one of her tweets in a roundup about the feminist hashtag campaign #ThingsFeministMenHaveSaidToMe, and someone in the comments remarked, “I loathe Bailey Poland. She’s one of the most loathsome, divisive, and nit picky, yet totally self righteous feminists on Twitter. ”Oh, really? This claim required investigation, and I quickly verified the commenter’s assertion. Then I began to read articles Ms. Poland had written about “toxic masculinity” and “benevolent sexism,” and then finally, “nice guys”:But you probably shouldn't. You should shun such people, and make sure they have as little influence in raising your children as is humanely possible. You should also find out who they vote for (as if there is usually any question) and vote the other way.
The “nice guy” has made “being nice to women” his defining trait in attempting to get women to go out with him, and his niceness begins to wear thinner and become more and more brittle as he learns this does not work.You can read the whole thing. . .
The “nice guy” has an image of himself that is fundamentally at odds with his actual behavior. He often sees himself as chivalrous, respectful to women, attentive to the women he wants to pursue romantically, and deserving of affection or romance in return. He sees his behavior as genuinely nice, and has been told all his life that niceness is rewarded. He will hone in on one woman or a few women and idealize them to the point of perfection, befriending them in the hopes that they will relive a dozen teen movies wherein the romantic interest realizes she should have been with her best friend all along. . . .
His niceness is a sham, and a tool for gaining what he perceives as leverage in earning or winning a romantic relationship. The “nice guy” tends to perceive himself as passionate and tender, while his targets see him as grasping and manipulative. . . .
The basic problem with “nice guys” is their sense of entitlement to relationships or sex with women based on nothing more than being nice to them. However, women see through this — and niceness that is performed in service of gaining something from a woman is not actually all that nice to begin with, and it certainly is not a free pass to demand anything from anyone. . . .
When “nice guys” complain that women only date jerks, they often just mean that women are acting outside the imaginary roles they’ve been assigned — women are dating men who do not meet the “nice guy” ideal of performing very specific types of behavior for a reward. Many of the men who are perceived as jerks may actually not be perfect guys, but they’re often honest about it in ways that allow for the negotiations of an adult relationship to take place. . . .
The other major problem with “nice guys” is that it’s not just their niceness that’s a sham. They also often hate women, but rely on romantic or sexual attachments to fuel their sense of self-worth. When the niceness gambit fails and they feel they have been denied something to which they’re entitled, “nice guy” misogyny often follows close behind. In addition to accusing women of being shallow, sleeping only with jerks, or “friendzoning” them, they will also frequently hurl a variety of gender-based slurs at the very women they claimed to idolize.
And while you're at it read ‘No More Fun of Any Kind!’ for the newest outrage; a sorority ad banned for having too many blondes:
The Alpha Phi sorority at the University of Alabama put together a recruiting video. The apparent object of the video was to promote the idea that Alpha Phi girls are pretty, popular and fun. This is not a controversial political idea, except for feminists who hate pretty, popular girls having fun:
It’s a parade of white girls and blonde hair dye, coordinated clothing, bikinis and daisy dukes, glitter and kisses, bouncing bodies, euphoric hand-holding and hugging, gratuitous booty shots, and matching aviator sunglasses. It’s all so racially and aesthetically homogeneous and forced, so hyper-feminine, so reductive and objectifying, so Stepford Wives: College Edition. It’s all so . . . unempowering.
That column by A.L. Bailey resulted in a statement by the university condemning the video, which Alpha Phi took offline:
A video promoting the University of Alabama’s chapter of a largely white sorority has been taken down after being widely criticized online for its portrayal of women and for its lack of diversity. . . .
A statement from the school’s associate vice president for university relations, Deborah Lane, said that the video “is not reflective of UA’s expectations for student organizations to be responsible digital citizens.”
Dear God, has it gone this far? Has political correctness reached the point that it’s wrong for Alabama sorority girls to be pretty?Yep. Boys can't be nice, and white girls can't be pretty.