2012 Olympians Conspire to Breed Master Race

Alex Morgan, Women's Soccer - US

Olympic athletes leak Village's drinking and sex secrets

“How could you not?” he says. “If the opportunity is there and it presents itself . . .”

Lodwick and the female Olympian say that there’s a divide among athletes at the Villages: Those who are the elite of the elite, who train with a singular focus and abstain from drugs, sex and booze until their events are over, and those who do not.

“At the Olympic Village, they call it ‘Days of Glory,’ ” says the female athlete. These are the post-competition attempts to fill each remaining day at the Village with as much alcohol-drenched sex as possible.

Maria Sharapova, Tennis - Russia

OK, so it's not so much a conspiracy as a crime of opportunity.  You put that many superior physiques in one place, add alcohol, and lots of time together in athletic clothing and, well it just kind of happens naturally.

“You stay up all night and party, and you wait for McDonald’s to start serving breakfast at 4:30 in the morning,” she says. “You eat, sleep, then get up at 9 or 10 a.m. for press, and then you start partying all over again. Two years ago, it was Day 6 or 7 [of partying] for me, and I was like, ‘I quit.’ And they were like, ‘You call yourself an Olympian?’ ”

She rallied.

Leryn Franco, Javelin Toss - Paraguay

Just so you know, I'm not accusing any of the ladies featured on this page of any indiscretions.  I'm just illustrating how the physical specimens involved would make for an exceptionally fine starting pool for a master race.  Upset because no men are featured?  Find your own.

As for the sex, “The Secret Olympian” writes, “No matter what your type, the Olympic Village can cater [to] it, providing the best physical examples on earth . . . Having completed competition, the athletes need to do something else to burn off their boundless energy. Like thoroughbred horses which haven’t had a run for a while, they get frisky.”

And given that the Village is its own private, high-security city-state walled off from the real world, “no one need know about your indiscretions.”

“I was feeling super-guilty for cheating on my boyfriend,” says the female Olympian. “And a fellow athlete said, ‘Why? Everyone hooked up last night.’ ”

Melanie Adams, Pole Vault-Australia

 I guess what happens in the Olympic Village stays in the Olympic Village, until it doesn't.

“If I were to reincarnate myself, I’d come back and do curling,” says Lodwick. “What other sport can you not be in shape for, and still be considered at top athlete?”

While curlers are held in the lowest esteem athletically, they are considered gold medalists when it comes to partying.

After the female Olympian finished competing at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, she checked out of the Village and went to stay with the curlers, who were off-site at a hotel in Whistler.

“That was a party house,” she says. “Curlers are known for drinking. The sport doesn’t require that much.”

Brittany Viola, Diving - US.

 Curling!  Now that seems like a civilized sport.

The most surprising part of US Olympic tradition? Getting so wasted the night before you take your traditional post-Games trip to the White House that the next morning, as you’re shaking hands with the president, you’re still drunk.

Olympians arrive in DC the night before, and Ludwick says officials do what they can to keep them in line. “We definitely get a stern pep talk,” he says. “It’s pretty much: ‘You f- -k this up, all of this, for all of you, is done!’ ”

Then they hit the town.

“It’s a big reunion,” Lodwick says. “You get completely blotto. By the end of the night, everyone’s sleeping in a room they shouldn’t be sleeping in.”

Then comes the wake-up call.

Lolo Jones, Track and Field-US

It's not like the White House occupants haven't carried out similar escapes in the past.

“It’s a sobering experience, knowing you were still drunk at 5 a.m. and are on a bus by 7 to meet the president at 10,” he says. “There are smart people on the bus drinking water, and the smarter ones are like, ‘F--k it, let’s keep this party rolling.’ When the Games are over, I’m in peak drunk state.”

The female Olympian says her experience at the White House in 2010 was similar.

“It scared the crap out of me,” she says. “I woke up with this guy — I drank so much, I had no recollection of what happened. And I’m going to meet the president, and I’m still drunk. Vice President Biden — I think he was smelling my breath. He was so close, I could’ve licked his nose without moving. I know I reeked of liquor. I was mortified, but they were all smiling.”

Getting drunk to meet Slow Joe Biden is fair; it might bring you down to his level of cogitation.

Thanks to Wombat-Soccho for the links at The Other McCains  plain brown wrapper "Rule 5 Monday" linkfest. Also to The Classical Liberal, who clearly pored over the blog looking for Rule 5 material for his links "Rule 5 Fuel."