Thursday, July 11, 2013

Sharknado! Live Blog

Sumiko Braun
9:00 EST Sharknado just began on SciFi!

9:05 Evil shark finning Captain of small vessel overwhelmed by storm.  Completely devoured by sharks as they are swept in the air by a water spout.

9:13 Sharks stage mass attack on Los Angeles beach ahead of storm. Deanna (Sumiko Braun) devoured.

9:22 Tara Reid introduced as April.

Cassie Scerbo
9:24.  Shark flies in through bar room window.  Nova (Cassie Scerbo) dispatches it with a harpoon to the head.  Fin sets off (with Nova) to rescue April.

9:38  Sharks invade city via storm drains and LA River.  Havoc ensues (of course).

9:43  Shark comes pouring out of culvert in Beverly Hills.  Shark flies out of man hole to be dispatched by Nova's shotgun.  As Joe Biden says "Always keep a loaded shotgun handy in the even that a shark flies up out of a nearby manhole." 

9:45  Ah, a commercial break; relief from the strain of wondering who will get et next...

Audrey Peeples
9:50 Shark invades Beverly Hills mansion, threatening Claudia (Audrey Peeples).  Eats somebody not important.  Bloody water get menstrual joke.

9:53 Back in the SUV, mansion crumbles in the distance as sharky water overwhelms it.Hot chick all together now.

10:00 Back from break.  School bus will requisite children stranded in shark filled flood waters.  Fin rappels down to the bus to take the kids off by rope.

10:04 Shark jumps on bus as bus driver is lifted off.  Fin kicks it off  the bus.

10:06 Shark jumps at Fin, entangles self in rope as Fin is last off the bus.  Break in the storm.

10:07. Oh noes!  Here it comes again!  Bus driver killed by flying debris in with mildly amusing line: "Mom always told me Hollywood will kill me."

10:11 Commercial break.  Is this the hokiest plot ever or what?

10:14  Shark lands on moving SUV, head punches through.  Nova eventually blows it back out with the shotgun.  Hey, Joe Biden is onto something.

10:16  April stops for a few bottles of booze.  Liquor store owner blames government for sharky weather.

10:19  SUV breaks through police line; brief and disappointing chase scene ensues.

10:22 Giant twister, full of swirling sharks seen to be approaching.

10:23 Yet another commercial break; an advertisement for "Pacific Rim" and Axeron and more.

10:30  Twister nearly tears door off airplane hanger, leaves helicopter nearby untouched.  Nova blows door in to look for helicopter key.  Chainsaws discovered.  The possibilities are amusing.  Plan to bomb tornado from helicopter hatched.

10:36 A tender moment as we find out why Nova has a thing against sharks. Fighting off the urge to take a nap.

10:39  More commercials wake me up.

10:43 Nova hands trust shotgun to Fin as she and Fin and April's son set off in helicopter to bomb sharknado.

10:44 Helicopter approaches Sharknado!

10:45 First bomb appears to work... But no! A second Sharknado forms!  Sharks rain on airfield, more people killed in gruesome manners.  That's what we came for!

10:48  Second bomb disrupts Sharknado II!, more raining sharks, more havoc!  Great White lands in swimming pool, appears hungry for old people.

10:50 Sharknado III!  Another bomb!  Shark latches onto helicopter skid. Nova lost to shark!  Sharknado III (or is IV) continues.

10:55 Fin drives bomb laden SUV into Sharknado whatever number it is, and bails at the last second.

10:56  Fin jumps into mouth of falling Great White like Jonas with a chainsaw, saws himself free to save Claudia, and rescues Nova from the belly of the shark! She looks good in blood.

10: 58  Violin music, sunset, shark guts, kisses.  What romance!

10:59 Ends with bad pun.

Linked at Proof Positive's weekly "Best of the Web Linkaround."  Wombat-Socho has the giant, original Rule 5 post up at The Other McCain "Rule 5 Monday" in plain brown wrapper.

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