Climate Change to Lessen Ginger Menace

Climate change could make red hair a thing of the past if Scotland gets sunnier

REDHEADS could become extinct as Scotland gets sunnier, experts have claimed. The gene that causes red hair is thought to be an evolutionary response to the lack of sun in Scotland.

Redhead colouring allows people to get the maximum vitamin D from what little sun there is.

Especially if you have to swathe your whole body in furs just to keep from freezing to death

Only one to two per cent of the world’s population has red hair but in Scotland the figure is about 13 per cent, or 650,000 people.

However, the figure could fall dramatically – and even see redheads die out completely in a few centuries – if predictions that the country’s climate is set to become much sunnier are true.

Have these scientists never heard of "Sexual selection"? Think of red hair in women as the equivalent of the peacocks tail.

Dr Alistair Moffat, boss of genetic testing company ScotlandsDNA, said: “We think red hair in Scotland, Ireland and the north of England is adaptation to the climate. We do not get enough sun and have to get all the vitamin D we can.

“If it was to get less cloudy and there was more sun, there would be fewer people carrying the gene.”

I would like to point out to Dr. Moffat that, in this modern era, we actually don't have to rely on Vitamin D from exposure of our skins to sun that, all that much, as we have synthetic vitamin D that we add to our food and drink, and is even available as a simple pill.

Another scientist, who asked not to be named because of the theoretical nature of the work, said: “I think the gene is slowly dying out. Climate change could see a decline in the number of people with red hair in Scotland.”

And so could replacement of the people from Scotland by people from elsewhere, notably the swarthy people from desert countries who have migrated to European cities in multitudes. Of course, if Scotland were to ban synthetic Vitamin D, they would be force to go naked to get enough Vitamin D to avoid rickets or resort to tanning beds. An amusing outcome either way.

Canadian comic Shawn Hitchins, who led a ginger pride march in Edinburgh last year, said: “It seems like everyone is coming up with new ways to eradicate the gingers.”

He might take some consolation in the fact that gingers who have emigrated from the gray isle to sunnier climes. Of course, the down side of the ginger genes is a relative sensitivity to sun, and a higher rate of certain forms of cancer as a result.

Again, though, we now have these things called "clothes" and even "sunscreen" which gingers are free to use to protect themselves from the sun. I'm in favor of more sunscreen and less clothes, however.

Wombat-socho has the father of all Rule 5 posts "Rule 5 Sunday: On The Beach" up at The Other McCain.