The Democrats on Ebola

Old spin: Ebola is unlikely and, like we totally have this covered, dude.

First and foremost, I want the American people to know that our experts, here at the CDC and across our government, agree that the chances of an Ebola outbreak here in the United States are extremely low. We’ve been taking the necessary precautions, including working with countries in West Africa to increase screening at airports so that someone with the virus doesn’t get on a plane for the United States. In the unlikely event that someone with Ebola does reach our shores, we’ve taken new measures so that we’re prepared here at home. We’re working to help flight crews identify people who are sick, and more labs across our country now have the capacity to quickly test for the virus. We’re working with hospitals to make sure that they are prepared, and to ensure that our doctors, our nurses and our medical staff are trained, are ready, and are able to deal with a possible case safely.

Then Thomas Eric Duncan came from Liberia to Texas with an active case of Ebola and, somehow, infected one of his nurses (at least only one we know of).

New Spin: Dude, we could have totally handled Ebola if those nasty Republicans hadn't cut the budget and forced the NIH and CDC to waste money studying why lesbians get fat, on why wives should calm down, how to promote gun control through the medical system, to massage rabbits to determine the best length of time for a massage, spend $939,771 to find out why fruit flies fall in love, $666,905 to see why people like watching Seinfeld re-runs, and Obama's favorite, $350,000 researching how golfers perform better when using their imagination.”