Monday, January 25, 2016

I'm Jealous!

Enough Snow Already
OK, I am done with the snow removal du jour. So maybe now I'll hike into town and watch "The Revenant" to see what sort of hardships other real men endure? Naah. I'll be watching NFL Championship Football! And rooting hard for the Cardinals since I have an Ariens snowblower.

And speaking of my snowblower, I had a Donald Trump epiphany this morning. I bought the snowblower last winter, we had plenty of snow, and it is the Greatest Toy Ever, although I say that as a non-owner of a huge chainsaw. When I am out there with that thing roaring I am the King of Snow. Well, a guy running a giant plow down an Interstate at fifty MPH in a blinding storm is the King. Call me a prince. Hmm, but do I really outrank the guys with the riding snowblowers? OK, I am the Duke of Snow.

Moving on, this morning I could not get my Greatest Toy Ever started. It was gassed up and ready to go but... to start it one must adjust the choke to open (not closed), the electrical switch to on (not off) and the fuel line to open (not closed). Three binary settings, only eight possibilities, even an idiot could do this, right? Especially having done it many times only ten months ago.

Maybe! But I would like to blame my difficulties on an absence of idiots. The on/off switch, which when I was a kid would have been labelled (get ready) "On/Off", in fact included only a pictorial aid. One choice was indicated by an unlocked padlock and an upraised hand, palm forward. I took the hand to mean "Stop" and the padlock to mean "Unlocked". Mixed messages! The other possible setting was a locked padlock and a picture I still can't make out. And as a final hint, there was a larger graphic indicating that all the dials had two positions and to run the machine they all had to be turned to the correct position, although what that position might be was left unclear. Not helpful!
. . .
But my Donald Trump epiphany was this. I get globalization and international marketing and a more globally oriented America. But seriously, are "On" and "Off" that hard for people to grasp, even non-English speakers? What is with these useless padlock graphics that make no sense? And how many snowblowers are we selling to Mexico or Venezuela anyway?

Let's make America great again by finding the ON button and labeling it sensibly. Yeah.
He's got a snowblower!

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