Best April Fools Post
The extent to which the habit of gum-chewing, Betel-nut chewing, and tobaccy-chawing contributes to the growth of tooth lice is underappreciated in America, where so many have replaced their sophisticated, adult smoking habit with the childlike habit of Nicorette gum-chewing, according to dental researchers.
Medical experts have termed the tooth louse explosion a crisis in dental hygiene, and have been urging more government attention to it. Very few people have oral habitats which are entirely free of these primitive parasites.
The medical fact is that chewing gum and eating meat causes chronic damage to the periodontium integumentium, which is the area in which tooth lice dine on stuck particles of your ham and cheese sandwich. The damage causes the lice to grow and reproduce more quickly because they obtain necessary iron from the blood which oozes from the damaged gum tissues. Diligent tooth-brushing causes similar damage to the integumentium, which is why progressive naturopaths and chiropractic dentists advise against regular tooth-brushing...
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