Osama Bin Laden Death Jokes

What were Osama's last words to his wife?

You feed the goats; I'll feed the fishes.
(Yep, I stole this one from Patterico's joke post, he stole it from Confederate Yankee)

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What color were Osama's eyes?

Blew.  One blew in, the other blew out.

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Another one from Pattericos:

Last night after the Navy Seals completed their mission, Osama found himself at the pearly gates. There, George Washington greeted him. “How dare you attack the nation I helped build!” Washington yelled, punching Osama in the nose. Patrick Henry approached and says, “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry struck Osama on the kneecap with a large spiked hammer. James Madison came next, and said, “This is why I allowed the federal government to provide for the common defense!” He kicked Osama in the crotch. Bin Laden was subjected to a series of similar beatings from John Randolph, John Adams, James Monroe, and a steady procession of others. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picked him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed in panic, “This is not what I was promised!” An angel replies, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”

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The Good News: Osama Bin Laden is now dead
The Bad News: Osama Bin Laden is now registered to vote in Chicago

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What's the difference between Osama bin Laden and Eskimos?
Eskimos hunt seals.

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Anyone up for a Bin Laden Martini?
It's two shots and a splash.

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What did the sailors say to Osama as he was dumped overboard?
 So long, Chum!

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Now that Osama has been buried at sea, they are changing his name to Bob. 
 (Thanks, Fisk!)
After he sank, they called him Sandy.
After a few days floating around, they called him Stew
(and Brian!)

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What was the last thing to go through Osama's brain?
An eel.


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"Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single."
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"They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life."

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"What's Osama bin Laden going to be for Halloween?"
"Dead."

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"This is good news for the other guys on the top 10 wanted list -- finally they get to move up in the rankings."

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"Now that Osama is buried at sea, it is socially acceptable to pee in the water while swimming"

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"BREAKING: Osama been killed by an elite killing force ... in other news Chuck Norris just returned home from his trip to Pakistan."

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BREAKING: US TERROR ALERT LEVEL RAISED TO "CONFETTI."

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Osama Bin Laden seeks out a fortune teller, since he knows there is a price on his head. The fortune teller says, "You will die on a major US holiday." Bin Laden says, "Which one?!" She replies, "Doesn't matter. Whatever day you die, it's gonna be a major US holiday."

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UBL goes to hell.   When he gets there, he's pissed that he's not in paradise.   Satan says "Well, we got a lot of activiites here. Mondays it's swimming in shit day.   Tuesday it's ripping out your fingernails day.   And on Wednesday, it's get whipped all day day. So, Usama, What do you think of gay sex? "
Usama says, "it's a sin.   It's evil and a abomination of Allah!"

Satan replies "SHIT!   You're going to hate Fridays!"

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Why did Bin Laden leave the cave?
He was afraid it might get SEALed!

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In Pakistan, SEALs club YOU!
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Porky Pig said it best: "Abbottabad, Abbottabad, that's all, folks!"

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Now that Osama's porn stash has been reported, the titles are being made public:

"I Jihad To Have Her,” “72 Virgins Gone Wild,” “OBL’s Hot Qtub Party,” “Abbottobad Girls,” “Sheep Are For Practice; Goats are for Love"

and

1. Taliban Teasers of Kandahar
2. Posthumous Uses for Achmed the Dead Terrorist
3. Is That a Stick of Dynamite Under Your Hijab or Are You Just Glad to See Me?
4. Two Mullahs for Ukhti Sara
5. Young Helen Thomas’s Lover
6. Last Malongo in Mecca
7. Primary School Girls Gone Wild
8. Midnight Camelboy
9. The Harem and the Stuttering Eunuch
10. Women–and Men–of the IDF

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Q: What was Osama's favorite movie?

A: Deep Goat.

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Q: How many dead terrorists does it take to make a good day?

A: No one knows, so we should kill them all and find out.

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Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house
for 5 years.

I think Bin Laden called the US Navy Seals himself.

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OK, your turn. Post in the comments.