British Navy Fooled by Whale Farts

Pull my flipper!

 NYPo, UK navy mistook farting whale for phantom Russians trying to track their nuclear subs: report

The UK’s Royal Navy launched a frantic search for phantom Russians off the coast after picking up two mysterious sounds in the ocean — only to conclude that the noises came from a gassy whale, an official told The Sun.

Naval officials feared one of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s drone subs had dropped a listening device onto the ocean floor between two islands in Scotland and let rip on an investigation.

The two toots were detected about 100 miles from where the UK’s doomsday subs are based.

“We have been analyzing the sounds and now believe it was a marine mammal. A whale,” the official told the British newspaper.

The sound, first described by analysts as a man-made noise, had never before been picked up on the sensors — leading the navy to confuse Das Boof for Das Boot, according to the report.

It also sparked fears that Russia’s deep-sea research unit, known as GUGI, was trying to record acoustic signatures of the British subs to make them easier to track.

I'd have thought that the submarine services would have figured out what a whale fart sounds like long ago. 

The Wombat has Rule 5 Sunday: You Can Be My Cowgirl up and garnering clicks at The Other McCain.

Oregon, My Oregon!

Great state for natural beauty, but full of fruits and nuts, mostly from California: Oregon Seeks To Regulate ‘Dangerous, Preventable’ Cow Farts

The state of Oregon is considering legislation to regulate farting. Cow farts, that is. Advocates of the bill argue that government regulation of cow farts, or “dairy emissions” as they call them, is a commonsense measure to prevent global warming and the safety of the public.

Citing the dangers of bovine flatulence, a spokesperson for Oregon Physicians for Social Responsibility stated that cow farts are dangerously unregulated and preventable. According to a letter sent to the Senate Committee on Environmental and Natural Resources, in addition to smelling bad and causing global warming, cow farts can irritate your eyes, cause memory loss, and even death. These are all good things to keep in mind the next time you find yourself eye-level with the business end of a cow. You won’t even remember what killed you.

What else can you expect from a state that makes it illegal to pump your own gas or whistle underwater (don’t knock it till you’ve tried it)? Senate Bill 197 is in response to the construction of new industrial dairy operations that would house 30,000 cows, produce 210,000 gallons of milk daily, employee up to 150 people in an economically disadvantaged area, and be the second largest dairy operation in the state. In a county where the average yearly income is just around $20,000, this dairy operation would invest $50 million into the local economy every year. . . 

Florons du Jour

Plural because it takes two to tangole, and in this case, four. Florida bar fight started with a fart, police say

Alleged flatulence led to a fist fight between two couples at a famous bar in Florida.

According to police, an argument between two couples about a fart turned violent at Sloppy Joe's Bar in Key West.

"The argument was due to someone farting," Richard McBride, 53, told police.

McBride and his girlfriend Sandra Stoner, 55, said they were drinking at the bar whenan unidentified man punched him in the face after they argued about a fart.

According to Officer Igor Kasyanenko, surveillance footage showed Stone get out of her seat to approach another woman, "getting in her face in what appeared to me as an aggressive manner."

The unidentified man attempted to get between Stone and the other woman, when McBride pushed the woman. The man turned and punched him in the face.

McBride suffered a dislocated shoulder during the scuffle and was treated at Lower Keys Medical Center.

The unidentified couple left the bar after the altercation, but McBride signed a release form and expressed that he was not interested in pressing charges.

The End of the World as We Know It

End of the universe really: Claim: Universe to end with a ‘big rip’ where ‘atoms are ripped apart’

. . . Most dark energy theories to date have not taken cosmic viscosity into account, despite the fact that it has a repulsive effect strikingly similar to that of dark energy. “It is possible, but not very likely, that viscosity could account for all the acceleration that has been attributed to dark energy,” said Disconzi. “It is more likely that a significant fraction of the acceleration could be due to this more prosaic cause. As a result, viscosity may act as an important constraint on the properties of dark energy.”

Another interesting result involves the ultimate fate of the universe. Since the discovery of the universe’s run-away expansion, cosmologists have come up with a number of dramatic scenarios of what it could mean for the future.

One scenario, dubbed the “Big Freeze,” predicts that after 100 trillion years or so the universe will have grown so vast that the supplies of gas will become too thin for stars to form. As a result, existing stars will gradually burn out, leaving only black holes which, in turn, slowly evaporate away as space itself gets colder and colder.

An even more radical scenario is the “Big Rip.” It is predicated on a type of “phantom” dark energy that gets stronger over time. In this case, the expansion rate of the universe becomes so great that in 22 billion years or so material objects begin to fall apart and individual atoms disassemble themselves into unbound elementary particles and radiation.

The key value involved in this scenario is the ratio between dark energy’s pressure and density, what is called its equation of state parameter. If this value drops below -1 then the universe will eventually be pulled apart. Cosmologists have called this the “phantom barrier.” In previous models with viscosity the universe could not evolve beyond this limit.

In the Desconzi-Kephart-Scherrer formulation, however, this barrier does not exist. Instead, it provides a natural way for the equation of state parameter to fall below -1.

“In previous models with viscosity the Big Rip was not possible,” said Scherrer. “In this new model, viscosity actually drives the universe toward this extreme end state.”

So the universe ends in a giant fart?

A True Philanthropist

Frenchman develops pills to make flatulence smell of roses

A Frenchman has developed a range of pills aimed at making people’s flatulence smell sweeter - of chocolate or of roses - which he says will make the perfect Christmas present.

The 65-year-old artist and inventor says his pills are aimed at easing indigestion and are made of 100 percent natural ingredients such as fennel, seaweed and blueberries.
. . .
For this year’s festive season he has added a new product to the range which he has titled “The Father Christmas fart pill that gives your farts the scent of chocolate”.

They retail at €9.99 euros (£8) for a jar of 60 and bring benefits such as “the reduction of gas and bloating.”
. . .
Mr Poincheval said he came up with the idea for the pills one evening when he was enjoying a hearty meal with some friends. “Our farts were so smelly we were nearly suffocated. Something had to be done,” he said.

Just need a few more fragrances and they could start a "Fart of the Month Club."

The Barrier

This is a problem?

Wombat-socho has the father of all Rule 5 posts "Rule 5 Sunday: Ricochet"  posted at The Other McCain.